First posted on SPDG on 9 November 2003.
This episode, attracted unfavourable reaction from one or two people, although the majority enjoyed it and spoke in it's defence. It was censored and locked by the SPDG Moderator.
I reprint it now in it's original form (including asterisks) and leave it to our TS Moderator to decide it's fate. I will abide by his decision.
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Glesca Patter 7
Sheesh! Whit a week. From apostrophys tae Pie Floaters! Okay, without labouring the issue, looks like auld moonwatcher was affected by the on-going eclipse. But like all eclipses, they only last a wee while and then things return to normal.
Judy – whit dae ye mean ‘wee man’? How dae ye know ahm no 7 fit tall an built lik a brick dunny? An no heard a Terry Pratchet! Shame oan ye! ‘Small Gods’ is mah favrit! But fur mer insight intae the Patter (of sorts) – read ‘The Wee Free Men’. (oops, a wee bit a advertisin ther!)
A couple of things tae clear up;
Stew – yer right aboot a dreep. It’s also used to describe a snorter and also in ‘a dreepin tap (faucet).’ Well spotted.
Andy – How’s yer fit? Don’t listen tae Wullie, whit dis he know? Jist you keep a haud eh at big griffith’s grimoire eh yours.
In these weekly A-Zs, if I miss out one that you feel should be there, feel free to let me know and I’ll do my best to include it retrospectively (that’s a grand word isn’t it!)
Somebody, I think it was Dave, mentioned amidst the general melee during the week about the ‘Broons’. Good point! We’ll have a wee look at Ma, Pa and the gang at Glebe St next week.
Meantime, another wee lesson in pronunciation. Words like fair, dare, bear, floor and rare, come out as ‘ferr’, ‘derr’, ‘berr’, ‘flerr’ and ‘rerr’! Makes life much merr simpler dinnit?
Right’ nuff eh this, let’s get oan wae the A-Z.
E-F this week. No minny ‘Es’ buh stacks a ‘Fs’.
Easterhoos –
Easterhouse. Glasgow’s shining example of dealing with the overpopulation and housing problems of the 1950s. They built this huge sprawling mass of modern tenements out in the middle of nowhere. No shops, schools or recreational facilites.
Thousands were moved out, like in the old western wagon trains (remember Ward Bond? Whitever happened tae him?), as the old east-end tenements were demolished behind them (or fell down of their own accord!) It was a good idea but ill thought out. Other ‘housing schemes’ followed – all became modern day slums. Ah know, ah wiz ther!
eejit -
A person of little intelligence. ‘See im, eez a bliddy eejit!’
efter –
After. ‘The polis urr efter im’. The police wish him to help them in their enquiries.
Efternin –
Afternoon
El Dee (LD) –
Elderado. A cheap wine once favoured by the street elite. Now largely overtaken by Buckfast (made by monks at Buckfast Abbey – drank by eejits in Gallowgate)
emdy –
Anybody. ‘Hiz emdy goat enough furr a boa’l (boattle) (bottle) ah LD urr Bucky?’
‘Whit furr? Thers stull summy ah’ Lanny (Lanliq, another cheap fortified wine) left.’
err –
There. ‘Is err emby in err?’ ‘Naw!’ ‘Well whoos talkin’ en?’ ‘Naebdy!’
F
faimly –
Family. ‘Ahm daein mah faimly tree.’ ‘Whits a’ en?’ ‘It’s wher ye go back tae yer roots.’ ‘Aw! Ye mean lik gerdnin (gardening) an at?’
The Ferr –
The Fair. Or more accurately – The Glesca Ferr. The annual holiday, usually the last two weeks in July. During the ‘Ferr Foartnight’ most of Glasgow would shut down and ‘go doon the watter (as in batter)’ ie. head for the seaside. On the Friday at the start of the holiday, ‘Ferr Friday’, shops and works would close early and the pubs would fill up in the afternoon as guys offloaded their holiday pay. Drunkeness was considered a virtue. All of your Glasgow ancestors surely participated in the great ‘Glesca Ferrs’.
Wan wee Glesca wummin: ‘Wher urr ye gaun yer hoalidays Jesse?’
Another wee Gw: ‘Ach. Same iz evry year Be’y (Betty). Wir gaun doon eh watter tae Sollcoats (Saltcoats). At’s if we kin keep oor Jimmy oot eh pub ye know whit eez like. Wir plannin tae get eh train oan Ferr Friday.’
First Gw: ‘Aw yiv nae chance hen. Get Jimmy oot eh pub oan Ferr Friday – ye migh’ as well expect eh sun eh shine!’*
*It is a scientific fact that it always rains during the Glasgow Fair – particularly in Saltcoats. Ah know cos ah’v bin ther as well!
fankle –
Tangle. ‘She wis in at’ much eh a hurry that she goat urr knickers in a fankle.’
feart –
Scared. Pal 1:‘Ah’v goat a lumber (date) wae Herry Merry (Hairy Mary) oan Seturday night, ahm a bit feart.’ Pal 2: ‘Herry Merry!! If ah wis you ah’d be bliddy terrified!’
filla –
Fellow. ‘How’s eh big filla?’ ‘Eez awright, how’s yer wee filla?’ ‘No bad, the doactir (doctor) wis oot at im at eh weekend.’ ‘Whit doactir wis it’?’ ‘Aw it wis eh coloured filla.’ ‘Aw, is at’ eh wee filla wae eh indian accent?’ ‘Aye, at’s eh filla!”*
* Note that at no time do names exchange hands.
fler –
Floor.
flit –
To move house. A ‘Flittin’ is a house removal. A ‘Moonlit Flittin’ involves moving out of your house (usually a tenement flat) under cover of darkness. This is usually prompted by unpaid rent or the polis closing in.
‘Whit happ’nd tae the McGlumphas?’ ‘Aw they done a moonlit. Ther livin doon the road at number 43 noo!’
flyman –
A cunning, devious person. ‘See im? Eez a real flyman. Sells em dodgy didgy watches doon eh Barras!’
footer –
Fiddly, a person who fiddles . Husband: ‘This is an awfy footry joab, ah hink ah’ll get eh wife tae dae it.’ Wife: ‘A heard at’ ye lazy sod. Jist get oan wae the joab an stoap footrin!’
furr –
For. Joke: Cat walks intae a wild west pub an walks up tae the bar. Barman asks ‘Whit dae ye want?’ Cat says ‘Ah’ve come furr mah Paw!’ vg
[The auld wans urr a'ways eh best!] f***
F***. Okay, noo thers nae avoidin this wan. It separates the true students fae the hingers oan. Glesca Patter, in its purest form, at its most colourful, features this word profusely. During highly dynamic conversations, especially in a pub, where world matters are being put to right, every second word will be f***!
So, you students of The Patter be aware of this if you are unused to the word and are planning a wee field trip into the Glesca environment. I suggest you practice it, so you can ‘blend’ in with the natives. It can be as hard for some to get the word out, as it can be for some to keep it in. But it is a powerful word and can be used to great effect – it might even save your life! One 'F*** Aff!’ can be worth all the pleading, excuses and explanations in the world. A Glaswegian, armed with the Patter is what’s needed in the United Nations if you ask me! It’s a versatile word and nobody can say it better than a Glaswegian! No even a Fifer! (an ats sayin’ sumhin!)
Bob.
See ye next week wi the Broons an Oor Wullie.
Jings, crivens, help ma boab!
Bob.