Foundling "Found"-

[joette]

I have been following on BBC1 in the AM a programme presented by Kate Adie herself an adoptee about foundlings.
My hanky has been sodden as I listen to the pain in these peoples voices as they recount their search for any clues to their parentage.No brick wall that we find can even begin to describe the anguish, frusration these people have as they search for any scrap of their identity.
One of the men was abandonded in 1927 & was placed in the care of the Coram Foundation.Thomas Coram founded this Establishment in London as he was appalled at the number of dead babies /children he came across just dumped in the street.He grew up in their care before joining the Army during the War.
He married & had children before he started on his search.He first discovered that he not been abandoned in the traditional way but that his Mother was know to the Foundation & that she had actually placed him there herself.After several years he had an unsatisfactory reunion with his birth mother.She gave little away about his/her parentage but he was able to glean a little info.
About five years ago his son contacted a researcher who was able to track down his Mother's Grandmother's family & this gave him his parentage way back to the 1700's & most importantly off all cousins of a sort who welcomed him with open arms.One cousin had sewn a sampler of their Family Tree but was now redoing it to include this "Found" Foundling.
Despite having a loving wife,children & Grandchildren this chap needed to know from whence he came & a feeling of roots.
He was also paramount in making sure that fellow Coram Boys KIA were remembered on the Local War Memorial in East Peckham.
"They will be on the CWGC memorial but I want them where they grew up
although their names are not real just made up from the phone book like mine."
So a bitter sweet tale but so glad that he finally found a Birth Family that accepted him & although he doesn't know the circumstances of his birth or his Father he at least knows that his "line" began in Suffolk& the Church where his GGGrandparents were married/buried in was still standing.
Such an interesting story.
I This Foundation sent this man& presumably countless others out into the World with no facts about their parentage despite that many of them did have many clues & even a name of parents/parent.I know that times were different & it was all to protect both parties but surely if you were mature enough to go off to fight for King & Country then it should have been possible to have been given at least your true name?
If you visit the Museum at the Coram Foundation today you will find many mementoes that were left with these foundlings which I am sure were given in the largely vain hope that someday the Mother would be able to return & be able to reclaim her child.
I think we need to intorduce a similiar scheme like the one in Berlin where Babies can be safely abandoned & the Mothers given time to think about their situation.There are twenty-fifty babies left per year & the figures are rising so it is an ongoing situation.

[davran]

What an interesting story and how sad! I have two friends who were adopted. Both had happy childhoods with their adopted families and one has found her 'real' family and sees them regularly. The other knows who her natural parents were but doesn't want to contact them. So, not everyone is desperate to find out more about their roots.

[StewL]

Hello all

I was reading this thread feeling a little sad about those yong people who may want to find there roots. But Davran's post brought me back to the light. Not too long ago I was doing some research into adoptions at uni, and had a revisit when I applied for a position with a government department who handles this area (didnt get the job). One of the things I found in this research, is that contrary to popular belief, and what you see in the media about long lost reunions. It is a quite low percentage of people, both relinquishing parents and adoptees, who have a successful reunion. Unfortunately as I discovered it is only the successful ones you see on the telly, and not all of those end well either after the initial euphoria wears off. This is a side the media dont tell you about. For most there is no wish to meet, as both sides have moved on and established new lives, in some cases with partners who dont know they had a child earlier. I hope this is not seen as pouring cold water on a happy story, it is not meant to be that, just a caution that unfortunately the majority of reunions or attempted reunions dont go well.

[marilyn morning]

My mother, the true Marilyn Morning was adopted by her grandfather and she knew her mother as her Aunt for the first 12 years of her life...its a long story, but sometimes I wonder if it was best that my mother never knew? This part of her family history has truly haunted her all her life and to this day, because she is unable to get her birth certificate listing her as Marilyn McGarty. I'm trying to help her regain her true birth certificate, but her birth record has been sealed for life!

Regards
Marilyn

[joette]

Yes for such a forward thinking nation USA has some archaic Adoption Laws.
It is a subject close to my heart & I have been involved with it on many levels.
I think research proves that most children have a succesful adoption when they are aware of who they are,where they come from & have some contact-if possible with their Birth Family.Then you don't have the big secret & the "my real parents" are Gypsies,Pop-Stars scenario.
Children are adopted for a number of reasons & I think that most Birth Parents think of & wish well their children even if they don't have a reunion or a succesful reunion.Many are ashamed that they" gave away" their child/children but in many cases there was little choice in the matter.
"Imagine how unselfish you are being in giving your baby a good life" "Selfish cow imagine giving your baby away like it was an unwanted kitten.
I think that most adoptions today are of the "enforced" variety where the parents are unable to parents their child for whatever reason.Few are single Mothers as it was in the Twenthy-Century.

If you want further reading on the matter I suggest "Half-Million Women"-the estimated number of reliquishing Birth Mothers in the British Isles.
For foundlings though they don;t have the same hope for a reunion that an adopted child has & it is so poignant that the place they were found is their only contact with who they are.
My Granny had two children reared by her Parents & it was a continuing pain for her throughout her life & she found it hard to bond with my Father her first "legitimate" child I think because she had had to deny her maternal feelings for so long.

[davran]

After some thought, I am going to add to my last post.

During the war my mother was in the WRNS and, to cut a long story short, she found herself pregnant. She felt unable to tell her mother and went away to have the baby. When she failed to appear for her grandfather's funeral, her aunt became suspicious and wrote and asked her what the problem was. Mum told all and the baby was adopted by her aunt, who couldn't have children of her own. A happy ending, but it must have been so difficult for Mum to see her child and not to be able to say who he really was. All my childhood I thought that he was my mother's cousin, though I did wonder why she took such an interest in his doings. It wasn't until about 10 years ago that mum 'came out' and we were all reunited as a 'proper' family. It has been a lovely experience for us all, but I regret that we couldn't have known each other better when we were young.