Glesca Patter 8

[Moonwatcher]

After a self imposed exile following the SP debacle over some of the content of number 7, The Patter returned with this offering. References to squidgy blobs, padlocks and asterisks refer to the icons and censorship present at that time on the SPDG and not to the present TS site – I hope!

Glesca Patter 8

First posted on SPDG 8 February 2004

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Glesca Patter 8

Ah’m peering oot ower the edge of a trench surrounded by the smouldering ruins of whit wis wance the Glesca Patter posting area. Ah’m werrin mah tin hat an khaki gear. Mah Woodbines are in mah poackit alang wae mah wee boax ah Lucifers, an ah’m reddy tae go ower the tap. That wee squidgy blob thing at the tap eh the page is keepin its ‘i’ oan meh though, a bit lik thoan eye in the Lord ae the Rings!

Right, here ah go, ah jist hope ah dont get broat doon in a hail of asterisks, padloacks an wee squidgy hings wae eyes in the middle!

Ower the tap then. Let’s go fur it!

Glesca Patter 8

G

Gallus -
A descriptive term describing someone who is cocky, full of themselves and flashy.
“See hur! She’s pure dead gallus hur!” Sometimes used in conjunction with the word besom (pronounced by us Garngadies as ‘bizzom’). The Scottish TV presenter and writer Muriel Gray who’s production company was/is called ‘Gallus Besom’ was once described as being a ‘lively lass’. She retorted by saying “Every Scot knows that a gallus besom is a cheeky b***h!” [If any asterisks appear in this post – there no mine! ...Yep! There they are! Protecting the faint and pure of heart.] http://claymore.wisemagic.com/scotradia ... am9809.htm

gemme -
The G is pronouned as in Get. “He’s oan eez gem”. (He’s playing well eg. darts, football etc. “She’s oan the gem.” (She’s working in Blythswood Square). [Uh! Oh! The squidgy eye’s lookin at meh!] “He’s oot the gemme.” (He’s non compus mentus, usually as a result of C2H5OH)*. Also, “Whit’s the gem?” (What’s wrong or what’s happening?) “Ah’ts the gemme!” (Well done!).

* Latin and Chemistry baith in the same sentence – no bad eh!

gauny –
Going to. “Gauny geeza bit eh yer pizza?” “Naw away an buy yer ain!”
Of course there’s the famous “Gauny no dae ah’t!” (Please stop doing that)

geez/geeza –
Give me.

geggie –
Mouth. “Shut yer geggie”. (Please stop talking).

gers –
Obscure Glasgow football team. [my son better not hear me say that!]

get –
apart from in it’s normal ‘english’ context, get can mean an undesirable person or rogue. “That wee get next door hiz jist peed up against the wa!”

ginger –
Any fizzy drink. Ask for a bottle of ginger anywhere else in the world and you’d expect to be presented with ginger beer or ginger ale, or something ‘gingery’. But no in Glesca!
Be warned all visitors. Ginger in Glasgow means anything in a bottle that fizzies (unless it’s domestos – then again there are some...!) So,
“Geeza boatle a ginger”
“Whit kind?”
“Irn Bru.”

glaikit –
Stupid, useless.
“An dae ye know whit the glaikit sod thoat (thought)?”
“Naw, but ah hink yer gauny tell meh”
“Eh thoat that when eh asked fur a boatle a ginger, that’s whit wid be in the boatle!”
“Yer kiddin?”
“Naw ah’m no kiddin!”
“Wiz eh fae Dundee like?”
“Ah hink eh wiz fae Mars!”
“How, dae martians drink ginger?”
“Eh? You’re as glaikit as him!”

Glesga/Glesga –
Glasgow

greet –
Cry. Complain.
When a couple of kids are arguing or crying together it is sometimes said that they’re having a ‘greetin match’.

“Whit urr ye greetin aboot?”
“Ah drapped mah ginger.” (I dropped my bottle of soda)

This reminds me of the Scottish Comedian Rikki Fulton (best known for Glasgow’s Supercop character), who sadly left us last week. As one who can remember ‘Francie and Josie’ away back in 19.... [wher’s the censorship when ye really need it?]. My fondest memory of him was his potrayal of a Glasgow down and out on a TV advert for an off sales, [Agnews - now long gone so ah surely cannae be accused of advertisin!] bemoamin the long series of misfortunes in his life. He tells us at the end of his lengthy speel that he managed to get a nice bottle of whisky from the shop at a very good knock down price but, and he’s in tears by this time, as he left the shop “It fell oot mah poakit an smashed oan the pavement!”
The camera pulls back and reveals him standing, greetin, outside the shop doorway with a tray loaded with heather. Still greetin, he shouts “Heather! Lucky white heather, buy yer lucky white heather...”
Maybe you had see it for yourself but it had me in stitches every time it was on.

Orra best Rikki.


An orraverybest to all those who’ve supported me. See yeez aw next week if the ‘eye’ disnae get me.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seeya ammorra

Bob.

[CatrionaL]

A good read

[laurenkyla]

Great patter You can watch that Rikki Fulton Agnews advert here https://youtu.be/CKRzKBIjHoQ