Essential Background
I’ve been in NZ several times between 1977 and 1986 on business visits, but not since until this trip, and never previously had the chance to see so much of the country.
Please take the comments as a pawky series of off-the-top-off-my-head bullet type reactions. In t’other words, if there are any Kiwis out there who take offence, - tough, - you obviously don’t understand my Chick Murray style sense of humour. (But then, despite the ephemeral appearance of a Scottish hooker in the final test, I just have to get my own back not only for a 3-0 series whitewash, but also the weather at the Christchurch Test!!)
Aotearoa = Land of the Long White Cloud.
I’m a very observant chappie, and, after some initial experiences, kept a close count, and wish to suggest that the country now be renamed, -
“Land of the Dual Flush Toilet”,
…..as I came across less than 10 old-style single flush cisterns in my 5½ weeks in the country, - “home hosted”, so I saw a few ……….. extremely impressive environmentally.
(Can some kind Kiwi translate that into the Maori, please!
On the subject of Maori, I caused numerous jaws to drop in my opening, plenary lecture at the Nelson NZSG Conference when I started off with two sentences in Maori, as opposed to the “conventional” ‘Kia Ora’, - BTW wis that no a type o ginger in the West of Scotland??…..

)
Now to the bullets
Impressions of Aoteroa (to be substituted by the new name when available)
Nelson conference, just a blur
Hi-tech presentation problems, - power supply no plugged in, and hotel broadband
Blue skies
Cold
Rugby and sheep
Dancing sands which didn’t
Friendly smiling people
Cook Strait horrors, - it was a relatively calm day, and I’m normally a good sailor, but ............
Rugby and cows
Confusing landscapes, - very familiar to a Scot, - on many occasions I could have been in Ayrshire, or Galloway, or Perthshire .......
Best car museum in the world (near Wellington)
“De Laval” (I used to work for Alfa-Laval, founded by Gustaf De-Laval………)
Rugby and sheep
2 x McDONALDs and a McALLISTER in the NZ Maoris team vs the Lions
A supposed international level referee who couldn’t set a scrum
The “interesting” (tut! tut! frightening!!) combination of torrential rain and a tin roof
Rugby and cows
Jetlag !!, - all the effects of an 11 hour time difference
Jan Gow’s new kitchen
The capital that wasn’t (Collingwood)
Rugby and sheep
Spectacular scenery
Good wine, although the reds have slipped a bit since the 1980s
Podocorps
Rugby and cows
Hawks everywhere, - many each day hovering over the road (over 3,000 km by car….)
Pavements outside shops with canopies or whitiver Kiwis call them
Flat white/long black (coffee types)
Rugby and sheep
Climate, - no problem for me as a Scot………
Km not miles, very confusing
Wooden houses and buildings
Rugby and cows
Winter sunshine
Now very few old cars (in the 70s/80s they were the norm, - “Look!, - A Renault Dauphine!!")
Houses on precipitous hillsides, - e.g. Nelson, Wellington, Napier …….
Rugby and sheep
Variety of house styles, very few similar to the adjoining house
Speed traps (see 3,000+ km reference)
Te Papa (national museum in Wellington, - incredibly good, - worth several days’ visits)
Generous with service
Rugby and cows
Place names, - familiar (Scottish) and unfamiliar (Maori)
Green country, - has to be No.2 after Ireland……
Great wee cafes everywhere (see 3,000+ km reference)
Rugby and sheep
Tauranga surfers, - midwinter !!
Personal allergy problem, - NZ tops the world league for asthma ……
Some places, - 2 nights in the same bed !!
Old tractors
Rugby and cows
No old ruins
Very few dry stane dykes, - mostly fences
Rugby and sheep and cows………
Just in case you think that I’m exaggerating the repeated reference to rugby and livestock, the latter were ever present all over the country, although there’s been a massive decrease in the sheep population in the last decade or so. As regards “rugby”, the following tale is highly relevant……….
On the Saturday evening of the Nelson conference I ducked out as early as was diplomatically possible after the formal conference dinner as (a) I was knackered, and (b) I was interested in seeing the delayed transmission of the first Lions match, - live on Sky, but then transmitted in full on NZ Channel 3 an hour or so later ……….
…… during which I fell asleep with the TV on …….
… to wake up to the delayed transmission of the NZ Maoris vs Fiji match…
…… during which I fell asleep with the TV on …….
...to wake up to the live transmission from Twickenham of the final round stages of the Twickenham International Sevens……
…… during which I fell asleep with the TV on …….
To wake up to the live transmission from Twickenham of the Martin Johnston – Jona Lomu testimonial match, during which I had to go and have breakfast !!!
Need I say more ?????
Davie